I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.