it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys