ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My penis needs a shock collar
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence