Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.