My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
