ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.