i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place