a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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