I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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