the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wish there were birth control emojis
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
