Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
