the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
