I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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