16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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