I think i peed on brittanys purse
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
