Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
