I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
