Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
