College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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