Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
