I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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