you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
