Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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