i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
