I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
