I accidentally burped into my bong.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
