He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
