Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
