my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
