why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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