What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
