Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
