So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
