uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
