You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
not ubering you a puppy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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