youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
