the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
