i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
