She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
