Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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