I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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