Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
