I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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