I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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