My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
