i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
