babies were throwing up all over the place
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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