hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
