I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
