that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's blow job season.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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