He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
