I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
