Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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