And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
