Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
