Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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