Please, let me fuck your mom
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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