Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
