it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
MIDGETS
????
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
