Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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