Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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