I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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