He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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