just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
