Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
