you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
