i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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