i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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