I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
