What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
