Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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