dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
